Missing Nauvoo

So on the website for Nauvoo Pageant members they have requested that we submit our stories from visiting Nauvoo. I was very hesitant to share mine but I finally wrote it tonight. If you read my Nauvoo blog while I was gone you probably got most of this but I wanted to share anyways.

I have felt the urge to share this story on several occasions but I have neglected to do so because I somehow felt that it was not important or maybe that it was common. However I finally listened and I am sharing it now. It is kind of long and I am not the best writer but here goes.

My pageant story started in mid October of 2009. I had to do extra reading for my Old Testament class at BYU-Idaho and so I logged onto the LDS.org website. On the site was a random link to the pageant. I had done quite a lot of work in theater at BYU-I and thought that it would be fun to work in the costume shop. So I filled out my application but because it was so close to the deadline I was not able to complete my Ecclesiastical Endorsement. I thought "Oh well maybe next year" then in mid December I got an email stating I had been accepted. I was very excited! I filled my taxes to get my tax return early so that I could set aside the money I would need. However due to some unfortunate circumstances I ended up giving the money to my brother. I still felt ok about my finances though and I knew I still had the promise of a good paying job at the company I had done my internship in Business Management with as soon as I graduated in April. Then in March I became very ill with diverticulosis, which is in intestinal disease that can be quite painful. I was able to get it treated and somehow miraculously graduate from college. But life took and unexpected turn.

The job that I was promised fell through very abruptly. I never felt like the job was "right" but I was too drawn in by the prospects of financial security to listen to the whisperings of the Spirit. So I ended up moving in with my Mom and Grandma in Pocatello. I was very angry about it at first and felt very frustrated. After all I was a college graduate and should be able to take care of myself right? (You probably have guessed by this point but I tend to be very independent, usually to a fault. Heavenly Father is doing His best to teach me to be better about that.) I was bound and determined that I would find a good job in business and that somehow they would let me off work for nearly 3 weeks to go to Nauvoo. Everytime I prayed I felt like I should just sit tight and be patient things would work out. I stubbornly applied to probably 50 jobs, I had a few interviews but I got no where fast. I felt like it was impossible for me to financially go to Nauvoo, so I did the only logical thing. I went to the temple. After the temple trip I knew without a doubt that no matter what things would work out as long as I put in effort. In the meantime the little money I had ran out, but my Grandma needed a few things done around the house and she generously offered to pay me to do them. My Mom happened to have some old jewelery that she let me sell, and I also had a garage sale that several people donated items to. I am still not sure how exactly it came together but somehow I got the money I needed to go to Nauvoo.

Despite this mighty miracle I was still having a lot of doubts about myself and I felt a lot of fear about my future. I had learned to trust that if the Lord can get me to Nauvoo then he will take care of me once I get home. It is hard for me though. I am usually the type that likes to have my life planned and know what to expect in at least the next few months. I felt very strongly that once I went to Nauvoo I would be given direction as to what I should do for work.

Nauvoo was, well, amazing. Anyone who has been there knows and anyone who is going will find out very quickly. There is NO place like Nauvoo. I had many. many spiritual and amazing experiences there. And I must say working in the costume shop is where it's at! If you want to meet some wonderful women just go there! And don't forget to tell Susi, Terry and Kathleen that they are AWESOME!

As Nauvoo was coming to a close I still was not sure about work. I didn"t particularly want to go back to Pocatello but I had no idea where else to go. Then at lunch one day some of the core cast and costumers where talking about a different show called Savior of the World that takes place in Salt Lake City. I thought that sounded like a pretty cool experience but did not think much of it. It was one of those things that just stuck with me though. I finally talked to some people about it and found out that if I worked as a costumer there I would get paid. Long story short, I ended up working in Salt Lake City. It was a great and life changing experience.

When I left for Nauvoo last year I was feeling very lost, not spiritually but just..confused I guess. I wanted so badly to do the right thing, to choose the right career and be the strong, independent woman I thought I should be. Getting to Nauvoo was very humbling. I had to ask for A LOT of help from family and friends. By the time I got to Nauvoo I felt like I was broken, but being there restored my self confidence and my confidence in the Lord and made me much much stronger. I was able to remember that I really love being involved in theater and the creative process. It has made this last year much more bearable. It has been hard for me. Working for Savior of the World was great and just such a gift. However it was a temporary job. Once again I found myself with out a plan. In fact as I am typing this I have no plan, I know that where I am is where I am supposed to be and that these last few months have taught me more then I could imagine.

Going to Nauvoo last year was a struggle, I would say up to that point it was the second biggest trial of my faith. The Lord said go and I could not see how with my logical brain. This year I wanted SO badly to go but the Lord said stay. So while many of you are making final preparations I am here typing this story. Which in its own way is just as difficult. There have been several trials of faith in this last year. My experience in Nauvoo helped give me the faith to make it through. I learned that Heavenly Father really does have a plan for us. Sometimes we cannot see it with our logical brain and it does not make any sense to us at the time. I know without a doubt if we listen to the Lord He will direct our path, and I am so grateful that He does!

If you are going to Nauvoo this year I hope you have many great experiences there. And I hope you feel the love of our pioneer ancestors as I did. If you are like me and staying home, remember those things you learned there and let it give you strength.

With much love,
Shawna Remark
Green Cast
Costume Team 2010
Pocatello ID